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  THE WOMAN 

Now, it is time for WAR, oh and LOVE.  I want to start at the...start, so that people get how profound she is.  The first month of our union was the new Fantomas album at the time, "Suspended Animation".  Each track of that album is one day of April, 2005.  We met on April 1, 2005 and we had April Fool's sex...so I decided that we're gonna have a do-over and do her right, and goddammit I sure did....after our first official date: Big Business at the Seven Gables Theatre....which was the last time I talked with Jared Warren.  I wonder if he would remember me...long time ago.  I had no idea what she was into, but......she thought Big Business was pretty damn rad.  GOOD SIGN.  

This was before they were half of the Melvins, and.....strangely enough but, in New Orleans some year....like, 2016, that The Melvins played our anniversary....April 2nd, and Jared Warren and Coady Willis were Melvins.....what a show...it was the anniversary of Track #2 on "Suspended Animation"......and our big date included telling me "wow, most guys aren't willing to do that.....yay!"  It was news to me that I had blood all over my face, I guess I didn't notice.  What woman arrives complete with a month of new Fantomas tracks and makes it begin and end with a Big Business/Melvins time warp.....and a live Fantomas experience of the music I was only hearing for the first time, but had been BEING our April experience somehow.....and, the irony is that....no, it is not music to make love to your old lady by....but, we got laid all over "Suspended Animation", which poetically was like having sex with Fantomas......if they only knew how hot it really was....

Track #28....April 28th, 2005.  This is the day that I became aware for the first time, that this Bettie Page look-a-like and also dress-a-like (strong nudist tendencies) had managed to happen with a new album by my favorite band.....fucking actually paying tribute to our first month together....and then, she was totally into Fantomas...her first experience of them.  We've been together ever since.....oh, and Track 30....that was a Beltane party and goddammit, I never get laid anymore.  My life used to be cool.....it has been a tragedy for a long time, but most of the tragedy has happened to Chrystya.  Long story.....we must go to war, and I've been waiting for this for a long time.   Sometimes, the only tactical maneuver available....is to wait.   We waited, and now:  Tezcat Real exists, and it is my hope for Chrystya to get to have a new family,  get a new start in life....and have it be that all these years of betrayal will be made up for somehow, made possible by this debut album.....was not "Suspended Animation" an early signal and reflection, that.....possibly, our album will cause a sudden unleashing of synchronicity or poetry?   I get that people have low expectations for something made by one guy to be worthwhile...and it is excellent.  Our band name is so....intense, that I believe 19 years of initiation have been required, and perhaps....the LEGITIMATE Tezcatlipoca of a Goddess religion and the priestesses will be set free from...perhaps a suspended animation of its own?  I am warning you...the impostors of Mesoamerica were into cruelty and violence, due to (a planetary theme) deep seated envy and inferiority issue having to do with how the original Goddess thing involved a lot of erotic, rather than violent, methods and means of raising a spiritual charge.....(Tezcatlipoca the Red, White and Blue ...is this familiar? and BLACK god).  What things tend to threaten inferior masculinity.....I am certain that the original form of "Lady Justice" was a beautiful, naked woman who balances the two poles of...what is actually CANCER (goddammit) and Capricorn, or put it this way.....on the "feminine" scale (oh no!) all things which relate to the inner life of feelings and memories, empathy (which leads to communion with the world soul - poetry), privacy, innocence, sensitivity, vulnerability, safety, food, mother, early childhood, childbirth, tenacity, security, a nurturing family, naked breasts which actually have a secondary function of causing a person to remember previous incarnation(s) memories...mammaries....(I can attest to this, the daily experience of habitual and typical nudity of the woman whose name is exactly equivalent with CHRIST, who is Chrystya...and who has been my salvation, and who I do take seriously as being a goddess somehow....absolutely did seem to act as a major catalyst for not only having childhood wounds come up for facing and healing, but the memory is much, much longer than just childhood -- think about it, to recall what children speak of as "when I was big" is the greatest threat to illegitimate authoritarian models of organization) and also the joy of creativity for its own sake..wow, all those things that are taken away from a person diagnosed with Cancer (War on Cancer = War on Empathy)  Yes, this is who I have become......sorry.  I consider it a clever tactic to refer to things which people who like to say "Debunked!" will shame and harass (debunked = all the bunk/bullshit removed) and....let them have it with "oh yeah, for a long time my life was being out in the wilderness and desert with Christ lady, whose breasts were greatly appreciated and given regular smooches....until disaster struck.....TAKE THAT, TOTALLY NOT KNOWING HOW TO RESPOND WITH ANYTHING OTHER THAN AFRAID OF ME!!! What were the priests afraid of?  Oh, yeah....I think I have it down how to be an OUTLAW GROUP.   

So -- Cancer is on one side, and Capricorn on the other -- Capricorn is Authority!! Scientific Materialism which doesn't check in with Cancer, which is bad....so much for intuitive knowing....orientation towards the future, five senses, clocks, PAN, GOAT by the Jesus Lizard, authoritarian religions which begin with the rejection of SIN......oh, by the way....SIN is a latin word for "to be", or "Being".   Human Sin = Human Being, rather than Human Race (away from one's center and into the underworld of the second dimension, Religious Temples which "reincarnate" the Great Mother (Holy Mother Church), prison, trucks....technology, the Holy of Holies made of stone (reincarnation of the pussy of the Goddess and her womb which patriarchal priests greatly fear (cancer = empathy, empathy with pussy is the key to...being a pussy, anyway more Capricorn), the whole "I WORK, therefore am a man" silliness, skeletons.....Alexander the Great's skull being used in some devious fashion somehow..., the Great Pyramid, ambition, linear time, seriousness, discipline, old people, graves....Rock N Roll Heaven (success), "reincarnation" of a big snake's head that makes the pope look like the serpent's tongue....pretending to be a serpent goddess or something, oh.....and, let's not forget the incapacity for empathy but admiration for having money....and an obsession with your parent's will because the True Will can only be realized by such means as......living with lovely women whose habitual nudism becomes the catalyst for the encounter with inner wounds blocking reception of the True Will....oh, I hope somebody asserting authority over our lives and causing Chrystya to be deeply traumatized by now....is very threatened and insecure about all of this.  Authoritarian control in general is Capricorn, when out of balance with Cancer -- and, why am I going so far? Chrystya has been through SEVEN WHOLE FUCKING YEARS OF A CANCER BATTLE, and the last six were the price that SHE paid, so that I could know things which.....have been SABOTAGED by her family....seeming to have an unconscious need to PUNISH us for -- going through CANCER (triggers the fear of "inside") and showing EMPATHY -- which...had to be counteracted with displays of being better than us, while determining what happened in the past FOR us, according to the whim of AUTHORITY....(yeah, right) ....and I guess it takes a certain kind of guy to even begin to communicate such things...eh? 

So, anyway...the Goddess of Justice balances what is basically Cancer and Capricorn, past and future (Once and Future (fuc)King)..and she is also balancing Libra with Aries as well...and Aries...it is the fiery "standing independently) thing...and has BRAZEN tendencies, such as -- confronting warriors at the crossroads with an opportunity to prove his worth by getting through a hanging out experience without being made to WEAR THE BLINDFOLD because of inability to 

There is a lot to explain, and none of it is about simply airing our drama and you have to give a shit and energy to it....no, what you are doing, is this: instead of sending Reiki and prayers, consider that my parents were completely against Jesus loving me...so, instead....I am the one with the prayers....each track of ours is a prayer meant to bring alive....I don't know, uh....Tezcat Real America.  The "Real" is Spanish for Royal....it refers to the Royal Tezcatlipoca....which is just about absolutely nothing to do with the Mesoamerican history we can read about, which is clear enough to me:  Tezcatlipoca has its origin with Goddess religion and priestesses.   Instead of male Aztec priests using human sacrifice to raise power for "the gods", the original blood sacrifice was probably menstrual blood...and, my mind is a very interesting place to live.....I figure these things out.  Now, I have not had the opportunity to test this out to see if I'm correct, so don't quote me on this...back in the thousands of years before the Aztec psychopath culture that seems to have related to Tezcatlipoca as if a prisoner of the priests itself, what with "selecting the most beautiful male warrior from amongst the captured enemies....to IMPERSONATE the god?"  Impersonate? That is a clear and stark raving indicator that, like secret amongst our lives are impostors who mean to cause discord while carrying a name from a time deep within your soul which is not consciously recalled...but they wear your identity like a skin, and then in causing a person to hate them....they unwittingly fall victim to a maneuver meant to get people to hate themselves, and part with a chunk of their soul.  Oh, ever since "Suspended Animation", some very special things did come out of a Suspended Animation, and -- I'm wanting to say that, the price that Chrystya has paid so that I could have the opportunity to learn of things that are....impossible, but actually happening to us.  At this stage, I want nothing else than to get people to cooperate with my vision at the moment.

If an idea is too dangerous for writing....sing it!! Each song is a prayer, and you have to crank it loud....so that GOD can hear these prayers.  Oh, and consider "Love Thy Neighbor" and "Love Thine Enemies".   Since your neighbors are your enemies, show them how much you love having them as neighobors 

Tezcat Real is our weapon against a situation which has intentionally broken her heart, again and again....and deliberately sabotaged her health, causing most of her health issues......I am the witness to all of it, and I want her to have a real family, not one that tries to take everything away from her, including her life....but they only got so far as her health and the condo promised to her so that we would move here, and find that....we were tricked into being prisoners in a situation where.....if I wanted to fight back, they would show me how it will be all my fault that stress kills her, when acting in retaliation against me having the audacity to have a problem with her family using stress to destroy her.....absolutely meaning to completely put an end to her self-esteem, seemingly......I don't know what it is about, but they seem to have had a major problem with seeing it really come out how completely dedicated to her that I was, when going through hell in New Orleans....I guess their comforting assumption was taken from them, which was that I'm 

April 1, 2005 – it just so happened that it was actually the first track of “Suspended Animation” a Fantomas record which, at the time….was brand spankin’ new….just like my relationship.  What are my motives for writing about this?  Many…primarily, I want people to be able to know just how much she is worth...and not just to me, but to…Mysterious Forces of the Universe - One Line Of Verse.  

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