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     LIFE WAR 

With everything that has happened since I met Chrystya, I look back on the events happening around when we first met…and it was a lot of “mirror coincidences” . You just have to laugh at someone who dismisses mirror coincidences out of hand,  assuming that the spelling of words flying through the air are actually being obedient to a particular way of spelling them?  Have you ever seen the Full Moon? Mirror Coincidence of the Sun. A guy says ‘mere coincidence’ and I hear clearly ‘mirror coincidence’….and, if someone is not aware enough to recognize the possibilities of their statements….I’m not interested in their approval or disapproval.  I’m supposed to need it though. 


I want to relate a story about what happened when Chrystya and I first met, it was a wink from the Universe on the very day that National Poetry Month began in April 2005.  I met her on April 1, 2005.  What I did not realize is that, unwittingly, Mike Patton created an album that, with unbelievable synchronicity, corresponded to the day my life took a 180 degree turn and would be completely different from that point on. 


The album was called “Suspended Animation”, and each track was for one day of April, 2005….April is National Poetry Month.  April 1, 2005 – the day we met, and it is a track that is an introduction to the rest of the album….you can listen to the first month of our relationship here:

My relationship with Chrystya begins with Track #1, April 1, 2005. 


We met at an art walk, there was free wine.  I came by myself and, this time...exposing myself to randomness paid off.  Randomness?  My point of writing about this is the demonstration of the way a person can recognize that he is being guided by Mystery, and dispense with all "authority" that has to be interfering with True Will being reflected by Psyche.  World Soul...whatever you want.  All is Consciousness...and I seemed to be getting some reflections of something which I decide the meaning of.  There is no asserting of authority over this communion between the universe and a crazy new way to know things. 

Track #2 April 2, 2005. 


I left my KORG-ESX at her place, and "I wanted to have an excuse to come back".  I'm supposed to wait a few days and play it cool, but the reality of the situation was that with Chrystya you only got a tiny window of opportunity.


I wasn't thinking of that at all, what I was excited about was that Big Business was playing at the Seven Gables Theatre that night.  We went together, and it was awesome.  She thought it was great!  A lot of women don't like metal because of how boring they are, so what a find!  Big Business was about to get the call from Buzz Osborne about joining the band....and they would go on to do this incredible "two drummers" thing...which Chrystya and I experienced on the anniversary of our first actual "let's do something on purpose" date.  

It was April 2, 2016 that The Melvins came around with Big Business inside the band, to One Eyed Jacks.  Buzz Osborne is the guitarist playing on the first 30 days of my relationship with Chrystya.  Of course it would be April 2.  

Back to 2005 -- I think the April Fools Prank of the previous day was the unspectacular sex.  I was going to show her what's really going on, and I did.  We had to go see metal first.  Then I got drunk enough to have no clue she was on the rag, and it was "most guys will refuse to do that!" 

"Do what?"  

"Go look in the mirror!"  Oh, I see.  Well, how was I supposed to know.  The day before, I came too fast.  April Fools!  She found out what's really going on.  "Goddammit, I'm not going to leave her with that impression".  So, I didn't.  

The rest of the month was a Fantomas Album...and, as far as things have gone in my life.....this was National Poetry Month trying to tell me something about Poetry.  Synchronicity -- the way to know which way to go, without consulting with any person.  It is the way of the champion warrior to be guided this way.  


I read "The White Goddess" by Robert Graves, and he says that a Poet is a man who is married to The Goddess.  It is an all or nothing relationship, no matter what happens....absolute loyalty.  At this point, considering everything we've been through, there is no question about my loyalty...and it goes both ways.  Nobody approves or disapproves of us and is a part of us.  


The Poet is in a relationship with The Goddess in two ways at the same time, it is where the myth of "Son and Lover of the Goddess" comes from, somewhat...there is the Goddess at Large, The World that gives birth to and takes life, Mother of all synchronicity or the mirror coincidences..that must be dismissed out of hand by people who only understand relationships of domination/submission through ordinary perception. Ordinary perception discounts feeling and places the emphasis on the world of five senses. Taking things literally, an Autistic Kleptomaniac. 


The Goddess gives birth to his life, and takes it is the most intimate way of relating to the Universe...which is poetry, it is one line of verse.  It is You and I Verse.  

The Woman in my life is to be understood as the incarnate manifestation of Her....and I can't stop Autistic Kleptomaniacs from taking everything literally...wanting to take her, literally.  

I met that woman on April 1, 2005 and by April 28, 2005 -- we were actually seeing Fantomas live.  It was that night that I would hear what the previous 27 days of April sounded like.  "This is the most ridiculous style of music I've ever done" Mike Patton said about "Suspended Animation" in an interview. 28 days meant one entire lunation cycle from us to Fantomas, but it was 27 days from Big Business to Fantomas --  So, Fantomas was the next moon of April Fooling. 

It was April 28th, that I took her to Fantomas, and it is really interesting, because there was this other girl who I was doing stuff with also, but she was stupid.  Chrystya and I getting together wasn't anything we were taking seriously, it wasn't "we're going to get married and do this and that", it's bizarre that people go out looking for way too much and always fall short. 

I was at the merch table, laughing about the song titles The Locust comes up with (opening act) .. and then started checking out "Suspended Animation" - I had no clue that it was about April of 2005.  I became aware for the first time that Track #1 was April 1, 2005 -- I'm sure I yelled "WHAT THE FUCK!!! WHHAAATTT THE FUCCCCCCK!"  It wasn't new to me that I find my way by noting what reflections are telling me, and that I could place my faith in what those messages were...because those experiences of communion, or poetry between the Goddess at Large and a poet's soul....led me to her in the first place, and to recognize her instantly as "the weird shit happening is pointing to you", kind of a thing. 

It was pretty much from that point on that we were inseparable, and that I began to emerge from Suspended Animation -- because this woman would be the first person to ever know me deeply enough to be able to truly care about me, because that requires really knowing me.....which is hard to do, because it was already "nobody would believe me about my life", people make shit up, assuming this easy time I've had when it's been the exact opposite.  

"You're all a bunch of soulless little witches" was how Mike Patton opened their set.  A Mr. Bungle is a person who has really bad manners.  I think, because it was National  Poetry month...he was thinking of "you're all a bunch of fucking idiots", and it inspired by that poem which goes on with "maybe you love having your face stuck in the shit, you love it...." and so on and "I'm talking about love, love, love, love".   

All these years later, so many things have emerged from Suspended Animation...and now I really am wanting to do that entirely, with Tezcat Real...the band that Mike Patton unwittingly by making an album that immediately started sucking my dick even before fastening our seatbelts and being ready for takeoff.  True story.  It started sucking my dick 3 days before it was even released on April 4, 2005.  All these years later, it's going to start getting around "did you hear that Mike Patton can make a Fantomas album suck your dick if you are capable of being Brian from Tezcat Real?  People say he's the best singer because he has the most range, and like he says...that's bullshit, singing is not the Olympics.  He's the best singer, because he's so interesting that....when pretending that their are no lyrics, using the voice as an was really incantations to   

Your album totally cock!!  Through Chrystya, seemingly a portal or a doorway linking one thing and another, it was kind of like fucking Fantomas at the same time.  Every time they played something from "Suspended Animation", I felt really awkward.  Just kidding. I wouldn't have these thoughts til much later.   


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