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  34, SIN & GOD

Oct. 14th 1947...Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier in the X-I, which are the proper symbols of horizontal and vertical.....or "female" and "male".  "Y" is a woman's crotch...not a great choice for a male chromosome.  I guess men are all pussies....(most of them).  "Y" is not a proper symbol to denote "masculine/male" as a chromosome or vertical direction....."I" the Individual Sovereign.  Seemingly trivial and mundane symbols are heavier than you might think. "I" is the King of Consciousness.


Precisely 34 years later under a Full Moon, while everyone was going to see The Rolling Stones (big deal at the KingDome), I was delivered into a  maelstrom in hell see if I could survive---I would hopefully become A Sage....(not a psycho like a sibling who was the other extreme). Not a psycho, must be a Sage.  Precisely 93 years before, the first film was recorded.....the sudden appearance of a substitute world living undead on a 2D plane, one against five. 

"Y" as a symbol, is a woman's crotch, with her pants still on.  There is a Rune that combines "I" with "Y" ---and, that is Elhaz, see below. It means "protection"--none of the moron sites about runes have any clue that this symbol is a woman with no pants on.  If you are seeing a woman's crotch without her pants on, you got protection....but this has to be happening in the human dimension, by a consenting adult, not at a porn shoot, and (you) not with your mom. My wife had an art contribution as part of a One Mile Huge timepiece sharing space with this painting below by Amanda Sage, which is a confirmation of this protective vagina/weapon against the empire concept.  Of all the paintings in the whole world to be a synchronistic message for the both of us at such an auspicious time, it was the one below.   I just recently had a dream that a small army of young women with baseball bats--that I seemed to be "coach" of--- were suddenly activated to go out and beat the shit out of a bunch of idiots.....(the dream was about rescuing children from the second dimension).  I seem to be in an unique category with the man/woman dynamic....I get a lot if to see if it can stop me, nope.   




Some have said that the "peace sign" of the 60's is this upside down pussy rune, meaning "not protected/death/negative energy" which I believe due to the context, The Grateful Dead and "wanting to go back to the garden" stuff, even though "deadhead" means dead flowers removed from the vine...."The Dead" are the "uninitiated/the profane" naturally, the symbol of the era would be a disastrous joke, too---but it is also the same pussy, seen from behind....I recognize it from that one time. Next time you see a "peace sign"----think of the possible origin of that feeling of "peace"....which can mean for some, getting laid without having to look her in the eyes.  


Apparently "I" is taken out of a woman's (not a man's) vagina....which makes a great deal of sense.  All people come from a vagina....which is a stupid and dumb word, (how many stupid and dumb people are in the world? Point made).  In the X-I, which was a flying lady boy, Chuch Yeager broke the sound barrier two days after his Crazy Horse bucked him off on October 12th and gave him two broken ribs, as if something is wanting to comment about where Eve came from. 

We will get to Eve. 


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When I hear that someone DISCOVERED something, like "The New World" my mind does not operate one-dimensionally like it's supposed to, if I am going to enable impostors to deceive their way into positions of authority that are so threatened by people natarurally arriving at their own power.  The ability to perceive that something is unworthy and questionable (such as claiming the "right" to determine the course of others' lives).....has resulted in a lifetime of rejection and slander beginning with "family", whose idea of themselves is "to control" anything that disturbs their crafted illusions meant to "create" the images they want others to believe in....this is what happens when allowing others to break the link with their Creative Self within....which is a link between the GOD within to the GODDESS of all external phenomena.  The utter rejection and punishment of "family" for maintaining faith in an instinct is enough to stop a vast majority of people. Some of us manage to maintain the connection and there is no pressure enormous enough to sever a relationship that has been known as "The Poet and the Goddess", the Poet being a Son/Lover of the Goddess (FORMER, FORMAL and FORMING REALITY)...and this idea "Son/Lover" in the minds of the profane gets really stupid and screwy.  The Poet is a Son and Lover who knows the language with which she speaks, synchronocity with images and words.  Academic poetry is the authoritarian idea of impostors who mean to exile The Poet by mimicry, which means to confuse MIND. Son/Lover is about the immortality of the soul, incarnating into other bodies---their true nature revealed to them by the unbroken link (against the wishes of their "father" who wanted to form the boy after the model of "his ideal self").  A male servant of the Goddess must be the complete OPPOSITE of what modern feminists are creating. A servant of the Goddess must be warrior enough to overcome and defeat even the most horrible psychopath of a "father"....the Goddess wants her Son/Lover to be a badass.  

The ultimate servant of the Goddess must be the most impressive warrior of them all.  Alexander was a servant of Goddess, to give an example that should set people "straight" (I couldn't resist).  People will  protest and say Alexander was "Patriarchy".....really? Spreading the religion of Dionysus?  Servant of a Female Illuminati? Maybe....but transcending that, also. Today, "Dionysus" is an awful and polluted idea, which has been usurped by authority and excludes the become the "dark side of the Sun"---this is corrupt.  Feminists are the enemy of the Goddess....ironically.  I am referring to modern feminism particularly.  


If able to overcome a psychopathic father, a link with omnipresent Goddess returns memory to her Son and former Lover as being something which transcends their biological family of origin, by being shown by the GODDESS their former existence---which returns to them a True Will..... memory is with her and this is why mammaries  and memories are basically the same word.  When this happens, what other people want is to derail.  

"Doing my father's work...." continuing the agenda of a Self whose body was not built to last. 


A "New World" is DISC-OVERED and DISC-COVERED----trauma is used to sever the relationship between the Individual and the Goddess, as memories are within her mammaries.  The wish to return home to remembering who they really are is a fascination with the breasts.  The presence of uncovered breasts in everyday experience would trigger subconscious hiccups of memory in the population....of childhood and beyond.  The presence of uncovered breasts would also lead to recognition of how symbols have a magical effect upon perception. Control depends on cutting you off from your memory of who you are, what you have been through and what you know happened.  Take your anti-depressant medication, bitch.  Everything you want exists on a flat surface, you can have it if you become flat and one dimensionally identified in a two-dimensional plane of Capitalism vs. Socialism.  

Sadly, breasts are not regarded for their sacred function, but for their entertainment value and use in product advertisement.  For manipulation of a lost soul, "lost at sea".  Capitalism requires shutting down a vital part of ourselves which prevents easy manipulation (Socialism is more extreme), and this is why the Capitalism vs. Socialism argument is not taken seriously by myself.  They are two ways of managing a broken and perverse MIND.  


























The most beautiful women are considered Incarnations of the Goddess.  To be taken seriously as her Incarnation requires a beautiful soul, beyond merely physical attributes.  She does not seek status, attention and money as goals in themselves, she is a SOURCE of wealth.  She is wealthy, even when starving to death in a prison in crappier times. The REAL THING requires warriors to protect her from invasions of unwanted attention from hungry babies.  These warriors understand that actual immortality is a reward of living with courage and pride. Women who WANT to be worshipped are not the incarnation of the Goddess, but impostors.....mimicry is when a hideous one has physical beauty---and hurts people....the malignant narcissist...she exists to pollute the perception of beauty.  A genuine "goddess" is not interested in being worshipped, but interested in being known for the sake of being able to reach others---an incarnation of what the Goddess does....she tries to reach you, get your that you might begin to listen.  

The flash of a camera is a symbol of "the attention" that posers seek, rather than attention as being required so that listening happens.   'You just want attention' says idiot...which is to say that the message is just a lure, is your attention, that's what you want!!! Nobody listens....this is when things switch "fuck you" mode. 



Control of other's destinies requires control of memory.....control of history is the control of breasts.  You can see breasts whenever you want on the second dimensional plane, but you will not see women casually shopping for tonight's dinner with an open blouse at the supermarket....because of the amount of hungry babies there are existing in the bodies of what appear to be grown men, who are actually hungry babies.  It is not safe to be around hungry babies with adult muscle strength, "MINE"!!!!! and here come the feminists to perpetuate and increase the number of WEAK MEN/hungry babies.  They USE the troubles of beautiful women to advance their cause, which is petty competition against beautiful women (and desire to dominate their offspring), showing that they really do want to disempower and control beautiful women because the beautiful women require the presence of WARRIORS to navigate the world without being treated unfairly.  A warrior is a man whose empathy will guide him to "beat the shit" out of people who abuse children in order to control them, people who prey upon the vulnerable, and hungry babies in 48 year old bodies.  Weak men take anti-depressants to forget that they were ever children, and support the entertainment industry without concern for what is really going on.  They often become doctors.   


Weak, stupid women who are uncomfortable in their own bodies want to control the beautiful women (with beautiful souls) that they envy.  They are called feminists, and they influence men to be weak....undesirable women do not have issues with unwanted attention, which they envy without recognizing what is unwanted about the attention....this is a mirror of illegitimate leadership.  Weak men are unable to relate to or protect beautiful women from the predatory behavior of WEAK men and women.  

A controlling person usurps the non-local/omnipresent GODDESS as local to themselves and exiles GOD to a place that is beyond your personal reach.  This is not articulated consciously by these creatures....and I am going to show you the proof of GOD that is scientifically verifiable to even the most narrow-minded reductionist hungry baby. 



The situation we are in makes this necessary.....will you press on without approval and when experiencing punishment? Yes....because to press on is to prove, at least to oneself..that the goal is beyond the appetites of the ego, it is worth more than immediate personal satisfaction....because the goal is something that belongs to evolutionary destiny and to be slandered while carrying it, actually causes a person to be unmoved by approval and disapproval of those who are unable to relate to    The Ears and Eyes operate equally and in harmony, so the ears will shout to the eyes "HEY! DISC-COVERED? WHAT IS THAT?" 


When two operate in synergy--a third one, is born...who will ask questions made possible by the beautiful marriage of eyes and ears "Who is being covered by the DISC? Have you heard about the twelve DISC-iples?"   The 


It's all totally legitimate to run things that way, even though an authentic leader is in that particular position because of being impressive on a level that need not be nervous that anyone could so easily outshine it, and if so.....step down.  Some people see power and position for the admiration that could be had and will use violence to get at it....when the authentic leader, who was not focused on the admiration anyway, was feeling that loneliness and being misunderstood goes with the territory of using the position to advance the species..... "what is the applause of those who are not able to really understand the conditions of my being her and my purposes? They can only cheer for what is recognizable to them"  Humility is a quality of a genuine hero...that comes with the loneliness of arriving at a level of being that has no real competition, and so can easily afford love and doing without the need for acclaim....accomplishment of plans whether or not they are readily understood by everyone matters to the authentic leader of human beings.....the enjoyment of applause, status and worship for their own sake...and the need for limiting others so that their "power" is not threatened....these are the traits of impostors.  POWER OVER OTHERS is boring....if a person is really connected, the power is coming from a source within oneself...power with others is in infinite supply.  

The eyes appreciate "insight" from the ears.  What about inhearing? That's when you're in your "hearing".  Where someone else judges the meaning of your situation.  

DISC-OVERED.   A DISC fits on any one of six planes of a cube, the mental snapshot of any orb, sphere, plate....can be a discovering in the mind.  Let's discover GOD.  

on to part 2




4:26 pm 


The above track is a response to the composite of who has been hurting Chrystya, who is herself on a personal level and also happens to be the living symbol of America.  She has a lot of Cancer, and other credentials.


Below, is an old and tattered donation fund, and what it started to become in response to being attacked by a family that did nothing to actually help my wife, but spent a lot of money to make   

I called this "Chrystya Donation Fund Restaurant", because of the strange and inhuman manner in which Chrystya's donation page received, as if Love, Generosity, Care, Compassion, and Empathy.....or should I say what CAUSES a person to respond with these feelings, is reacted to as the meal....which is pain, sorrow...and heartbreak.   This is so exhausting to do battle with what has such a problem with Chrystya's old donations page  that this is NOT primarily a donations request page, because this is a rather terrifying way to go about it. Although I don't mean to discourage others from donating if they want to, if they feel flush, donations were the furthest thing from my mind when doing this. I am certainly not going to stop anyone from showing Chrystya any love and generosity, my primary objective is a banishment of evil (and there is no other word for it), a Heyoka War Strut to the finish line, and alerting folks to what is actually going on, which is that (as is usual for me) THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT EVERYONE IS EXPECTING to happen, is what is actually happening. 


Calling me crazy would only serve me in the end, and set up a hysterical outcome....although this isn't funny. The Crossroads Beast, which appears as Mother, and two Robert Johnsons as its puppets, (the inverted perversion of Osiris, Isis and Horus) ) is stopping at nothing to try to take everything away from us and pull Chrystya down, and that is just not going to happen. Crossroads Beast became extremely enraged once it put 2 and 2 together. With the combination of my official declaration of non-consent ("thou shall not pass my gate"), and remembering that I signed our handwritten marriage contract presented to it a few years ago in purple ink, rather than black for legally dead, I have "stolen" my wife.  I am taking her home.   


"Mother" demanded we have a marriage ceremony documented by itself, for itself, intending to claim both of us for itself, otherwise I don't get what the point of all that was..with both Robert Johnsons present as witnesses/puppets to our marriage.  To sign a marriage contract with purple, written up in our own handwriting, officially gave me the right to declare that "this is my wife and I am taking her home", as to sign with purple is to declare royalty and sovereignty.  To sign in black ink, is to say that you are legally dead, perhaps if I was as stupid as they have been telling as many people as possible for over a decade, I would sign a handwritten contract with black ink and officially be making a contract with Crossroads Beast with my status being "legally dead".  Perhaps this is the very reason why Crossroads Beast pulled the plug on us while we were on our way to New Orleans after selling all of our stuff on their promise to Chrystya about getting her inheritance to her, by purchase of a home for her (their idea entirely).  To speak a promise out loud verbally, is recorded in fabric of the Universe, Crossroads Beast.  Silly little Crossroads Beast.  Don't you realize that since we signed in purple ink, that all violations have consequences and will be forced to return everything stolen? 


So blinded by its assumptions about me it neglected the importance of this until just it is SO pissed off, assuming that the non-Harvard graduate with no history of working as a lawyer would never outdo them with knowledge of the workings of black magick/legalese and present them with the consequences of their intentions.   Master Of Puppets, the one that I have found, is only metal because I pull the strings of music hating Mother entity, the puppet master of castrated little boys, each called Robert Johnson, disguised as "husband" and "son".  That neither responded to the call of the soul to Individuate, each Robert Johnson left hiself available to be "employed" by its corporate entity, each with a big hole in the boat where Hades gets in left unstopped by taking adult response abilities to be a response able member of society that is considerate enough to others enough to not be a sitting duck for possession when something wants to destroy my wife, again....and again...and again.  None of it is her fault, either.  None,    

I have been doing everything I can while she is being tormented every day by the very enemy of generosity and love, which reacted to the original Chrystya Donation Fund as if it were a restaurant menu featuring its favorite foods:  Love, Empathy, Respect, Care and Compassion -as it has been a very exhausting process to give half my energy to keeping her frequency up and the other to banishing something that pretty much affects all of us, so if you have ever read Joseph Campbell's books such as "The Hero With A Thousand Faces" or "Myths to Live By", you would have been turned on to the idea of the eternally iterating monomyth cycle, that life mimics myth, the way out is from the mundane to the poetic, that our lives are fractals of what is said to be a broadcast from some Implicate Order, (as one way of looking at it), from the perspective of a Holographic Universe.  Although, this perspective is not being held up as an argument in favor of "Computer Simulation Model" of the Universe, but rather a "prison break" for Persephone from the clutches of what would see Consciousness be deleted.....but the only thing to be "deleted", is the position to influence our lives as a "rogue autonomous complex".  The root issue of our situation is not going to be fixed politically, for it is a problem with perception, sensual interpretation and having access to the main "pipeline" of Consciousness without the need for intermediaries, or being made to tolerate intermediaries, having what is rightfully ours being re-presented back to us by a usurper.  Priests have done it with spirituality, Evian (naive backwards) has done it with water, and now I have been seeing the process happen before my very eyes, to make people be afraid of breathing fresh air and actually going along with a manipulated "need" for an intermediary between ourselves and fresh air, to tell us if it is okay to go outside and breath fresh air...that gives us direction from the SECOND DIMENSIONAL PLANE, "TV" in other words, paradoxically, this information comes from the same place, but I am not telling you that the image in the mirror is your Lord and Master, either.    They call this process of "creating" a false need Covid, which is meant as a play on the word Corvid --RAVENS, CROWS, ETC.  Wherever there are ravens and crows, is soon to be found a Bran or Kronos somewhere, how about Brian? In my personal life, and in the outer world, the myth of Persephone plays out, and I intend top make sure that Hades fails, and Autistic Kleptomania fails.  Autistic Kleptomaniacs take everythng literally, such as speaking of Hades and Persephone, yet is happening and is why I have been leaving the dates and times of every CHECKMATE up.   

If I stretch the words Covid and Corvid, to be Cole Vid and Core Vid, it will begin to make sense of what is going on here.  Why I understand myself to be living out a role in a fractal iteration of the Cosmic Drama, begins with names....Brian and Cole, my name and that of my "brother", who has only recently been understood as the necessary training to be able to understand our times of the Anti-Poet, when a Cole Vid (see) "outbreak" that just "won't go away", takes people into the world of SIX.  "Cole" was always a guy trying to make himself, the outsider, an intermediary to consult about my relationship with my own wife, and a great deal of problems in life find solutions when the Poetry of Life is initiated as a perspective, where Cole is Core in the mirror, the reflection telling its Master what to do.  William Lawrence Lyons published a book on my SEVENTH birthday, Oct. 14 1988, a book called the "Language Crystal" explaining how the letters L and R work interchangeably, etymologists often find these letters swap as words make their way into other cultures.  So, I found the solution to this Cole issue, by identifying with Core and banishing Cole, by recognizing Brian Cole as another arrangement of Nile Cobra, and slithered along my merry way, a 39 years long Nile Cobra. 


Six feet of social distancing from God, six feet of social distancing from Goddess, I don't think so.  To read "The White Goddess" by Robert Graves, is to have amnesia fall away and after a few days of bewildered and amazed reorientation, GO!


Brian, is merely Bran with the I of Individual Consciousness balancing a universal archetype with an individual experience, and now that i have shown my chart on the Mission  Accomplished page, people can see that I am fairly well set up for balancing the Universal with the Individual, with 6 planets in Libra in the Seventh House. I have just recently understood the cause of my fibromyalgia....I have been operating as a human battery to keep my wife's frequency up while escorting her out of a place that ostensibly appears to be us staying in the same physical location, though Earth is traveling at its rate through space. 

The images of our personal drama are non-locally connected to the drama of the world at large, that is in a very precarious situation in regard to whta kind of world we are going to live in, which is going to be the world where we are all dancing under the Great Tree of Life....rather than the invasion of a 2D second hand world- the shadow of reality, succeeding in what is a vain attempt. 


The Consciousness from which  our world sprang from and gave birth to the possiblity of shadows gaining autonomy, if only enough trauma could make that happen, and just before something thinks it gets its little way, sorry ...the complete opposite of what everyone expected strikes again, the ongoing saga of a Heyoka Warrior saying Mission Accomplished. 

The particular thing abut this Tree of Life is a phonetic thing, as the species of this tree, is The Poetry Of Life, as it is silly to expect the literal manifestation of a tree with people literally dancing under it.  We are "dancing" (all of reality vibrating together)


Sometimes, a person might find themselves to have somehow ended up playing a role in a recognizable myth, and we are definitely in a Persephone myth.  I can prove everything with astrology, especially Transneptunian frontier astrology, and  especially using the points of Hades and Kronos.  Those who do not see astrology as a proof of anything are not going past the gate into the garden of all fulfilled desires, and will have to try enjoy the consequences  of choosing to remain in SIX rather than SEVEN----which is up, down, left, right, backwards and forwards.........without SEVEN, there is no eternal consiousness at the center of it all, but rather the experience of Hades' domain, the unconscious, two dimensional black vs. white.  I would rather live in a world thhat is the result of being generated by SEVEN, the SEVENTH GENERATION.




Hi! Welcome to what was once "Chrystya's Donation Fund", the page which we used to finally and successfully lure the famed and legendary Crossroads Beast into its cage, just when it was expecting to dine at a restaurant featuring all its favorite meals: Care, Empathy, Loyalty,  and Respect.....sorry, not today! Until Brian Hoffman's successful capturing of this strange and unpleasant creature, many were certain that the Crossroads Beast was only a legend.....and he always knew it existed, and he set out to prove it to the world, and in doing us from an alien predator that nobody knew was eating us! 


You can still visit the original historic website "Chrystya's Donation Fund" as it was on the day the Crossroads Beast was finally captured by tracker Brian Hoffman and you can read the alien cuisine menu of our "restaurant", for an interesting look at the bent over awkward habits and strange tastes of this incredible alien species!  

                                            HEYOKA WAR STRUT 

The "Heyoka War Strut" is the way to go check the mail when under the influence of one of two presented attitudes.. A or B :


A) You just know how to get things done because you're sick of this bullshit and they aren't getting away with it! You are so sick of it that you decide that you may as well fight for your country which has 2 people and 3 cats, called America.  The country known to everyone as America does not deserve the name and is has been Fake America since the 19th century, so you're just deciding that it is the name of your country and that other country can either kiss your ass or start answering to you....and should expect the whole house of cards to eat itself and shapeshift into something primarily based on including Cancer as the idea of a good thing, instead of something to destroy,  an archetypal world that includes various things ranging from being genuine, care, empathy, vulnerability, drinking and bare breasts. Swimming happens a lot. Currently, America is at war with 8 billion shitty citizens of all the other shitty countries at the same time, confident that they will be come around because fuck you and because you are so pissed off you are pretty sure that you can take on the so-called "United States of America", the fake America, all by yourself.... and still help Chrystya get through life simultaneously. 

B) Cancer is bad and therefore so is empathy, vulnerability, bare breasts and drinking. 

A) If you are worth knowing you are a person that honors the code of the warrior, so glad to meet you and we know that you don't need to be introduced to the attitude of  being willing to go out of your way and persist even at enormous personal cost....such as living amongst the very people who want to hurt you the most, and also risking death, humiliation, confusion, amnesia and injury.....and willing to match her for what she has been through...because love will endure absolutely everything to save a person from a fate she does not deserve, especially because not only is she precisely the example of an admirable human being, but also because she is the very model and example of America, that you will stop at nothing until you find her and bring her home to a place where there is better "ambience" and  no people around that would ever have it cross their minds to lay traps for her to fall in for their idea of entertainment.  


The very idea of the person you love being condemned to endlessly cycling lives that are only another disappointment destined to be, another experience ruined by the re-enactment of the main theme of experiencing great betrayals of common human decency (that should stand even in the context of war), in return for showing kindness, trustworthiness, endurance, patience, generosity, bravery and strength unbearable...especially knowing that they would only perpetuate without your intervention, which motivates you into action and because you still cry when your mind ever revisits the day of her capture, so you would be willing to lose goddamn everything 3 times in a row to go a save a beautiful soul who you know would never be free from burdens far too strong for her to bear alone and you are the only one who can do it....going into unburden her of something like, say for example, being a prisoner of war in the sites of a guy who has a lot of "betraying his commanding officer" guilt to discharge and pass onto someone else that he is also jealous of for getting to do it to the stupid loudmouth bastard when he wanted to do that for years and this female warrior took it away from him!? Who ever heard of a female warrior? His wife wears a sunbonnet and makes biscuits. 

B) We used to love Chrystya but parallel to the same time that we ended up having that condo she became a bad person and she only brought this on herself and they have no choice but to spend the money from selling what they only allegedly promised her because she does not have the right to say what reality is, the person with the most money and cowardice gets to make up what reality at their whim so that Chrystya will experience another lead up to betrayal in exchange for being a decent person, just like everything else always does, and why? Makes no sense----

If your answers are both A, your name is probably Brian Hoffman and if they are both B you deserve to have the experience of losing all of your property and money and having it be appropriated by us in the founding of our country, that we are going to call America.   

(Don't worry, honey, it's all over now that I remember things and it was exactly parallel to my remembering that the Crossroads Beast began to panic about me "stealing" you).  Oh my fucking god. 

Now, on to our little "friend"---

May you always remember and think of little else but the exact moment you became my slave.  I TOLD YOU, and tried very hard to save your soul from the path you were about to embark upon, to urge you to never do anything ever again to hurt my wife and you responded by sending her about 45 texts on the subject of how stupid I am.  I told you that the backfire would bounce back ten fold.  What is 45 violations?  Each worth one beating the shit out of you, times ten.  This is isn't even counting the moron stuff that you are doing right now, which is probably going around town with that picture of my wife, taken at the most sad moment of her whole entire life, mostly naked with a black eye that she got from not having the presence of mind to throw out her hands as she tripped over the lip of the shower and got to not only have the experience of being humiliated by you as you go around town with your mutilation porn photo that feautures my wife that you are not even supposed to have, who at her saddest moment that she ever you having your psychopath Don Quixote trip.  

It was a really intelligent assumption to assume that the power I claimed at my disposal, was just my "narcissism'.  

A lot of people would see this as total and irrefutable proof that should be taken seriously when I say shut your dumbass mouth, boy.... that I can accomplish so much in.......2 days.   It only took 2 days, and that was after having you steal our time and miss out on a lot of sleep.  

This is why it isn't really an ego trip at all, to tell you what people might say about me. 

I was warning you, and you wanted to choose this path.  I can't stop anyone from making their choices even though you claimed the right to make choices for my wife's mind, which I consider raping my wife, in front of my face.  

I'm the very nice person who just tried to save you from making a grave mistake.  You chose poorly.  Oopth.  

I wonder if you are seeing this, after 20 years of living in the Twilight Zone, wondering what the hell happened on January 10, 2021. You stupid little boy.  You stupid, stupid little boy.  This went live, 4:40 1/10/2021.   


Oh my god, it is SO badass getting to be me, and you can watch from your cage and think of me all the time, I mean....might as well.  


These are the words that my wife's stupid family reacted to with hatred, unable to relate to anything but the fear of inferiority, competing with me about "helping" rather than showing any love to her. 

Chrystya, (also known as Cat to many on Maui), is needing so much love right now, she is feeling very scared, betrayed, dejected and traumatized.  She has been diagnosed with a recurrence of breast cancer, I have just returned from dropping her off for surgery. I can't recall ever having felt any sadness that was ever heavy enough to reach below and beyond what I felt walking back to the car after saying I love her, and good luck. 


The last few years have been incredibly hard on Chrystya, and as if things weren't bad enough, she is to have her reconstructed breasts removed now.... which is just about the saddest thing in the entire world, and she is extremely disappointed and upset. Not once has she ever acted like a victim or a whiner during this ordeal, and what she can endure without succumbing to bitterness is astounding and she's hero or something, and/or best friend. 


She went through so much already, way too much...all at the oncologist's insistence of her being a "great candidate" for the breast reconstruction, and so we went down that road of betrayal.  The oncologist did a terrible job, to say the least, and left too much of the old breast-skin, amongst other causes for a major lawsuit. We have had a Dr. on Maui confirm for her that it was certainly the terrible job the NOLA doc did on her reconstruction which has directly caused her return of cancer, which now requires that everything she had so many major surgeries for, (and many minor), the pain, the sorrow, the long recovery periods; amounts to lost years and pain with nothing gained and feels entirely useless.  To me, this is the saddest thing in the whole world.

We know that  most of you out there are wonderful, and anyone close to a cancer patient or personally experienced it, knows that vulnerability is a magnet for unneeded strangeness..and so I have to clarify and set these boundaries.  This has nothing to do with any sort of "bad karma"....and there are reasons we are tentative about saying anything in public. 

If there is anyone who is the least deserving of such horrific experiences, it is Chrystya.  To keep her from feeling dejected, we have made sure to focus on the idea of a profound initiation, one so fantastic that it requires such a sacrifice from her, in exchange for whatever it is...that cannot be called any kind of "gift".  It is really the only thing to hold to in order to avoid feeling hopeless and like giving up the fight. 

I have set up this page for her, at my own insistence, because our financial situation isn't great, it actually sucks.... and I will be having to really focus on her needs while she recovers.....if anyone can donate to the cause, it would be so wonderful of you....we understand the economic situation, and she is nervous about wanting to share about it with people, for various reasons, so OFFICIALLY: this is entirely my idea.  Because of that, I hope to eliminate as much as I can....the tendency for people to imagine that they are experts about cancer and have the right to tell Chrystya what to do because she's "reaching out". PLEASE---spare her this...I wish I didn't have to mention this, but I do....and am not trying to implicate the majority of you;  everyone with cancer experiences this: unsolicited advice, being considered public property/a child, etc.  It only adds to her suffering, okay? 

She got breast cancer in the first place because of the proven consequences of a conception pill which her mother took, which has now been banned for being linked to a far higher incidence of health problems in the adults who were once the children concieved by it, which includes a far higher percentage of reproductive cancers in women.  That is why she got estrogen positive cancer in the first place, (high nuclear grade carcinoma) and younger women who get cancer, have the most aggressive forms.  She used to work at the Fred Hutch Cancer Research Institute in Seattle, where they research everything about cancer all day long...which certainly IS ironic. 


Chrystya has been through absolute HELL because of taking the rebuild surgery option, and everything that could go wrong, DID go wrong.  The doctors and hospital staff made many, many mistakes. She has been left physically disabled. Doctors are amazed and what she went through, and I am always amazed at people who have to use her tragedy as a stepping stone to feeling important, by having "advice" for us.  

The rest of you are beautiful, you know you are. Our lives have been very difficult as it is, and our financial situation is dire; and there is much more contributing to our heartbreak than this recurrence of cancer, it is too much and I would like to see the joy of being alive get to be part of her experience of existing, instead of having pain and sorrow dominate...

Thank you so much for whatever you can do, even if a few supportive words.  We really appreciate your kindness and support.  

Brian Hoffman

I hope that I have adequately explained something that I see as a way out of the collectivistic attitude, that aims at having this communion, and gets taken in  a weird direction because of a fundamental error...and all falls by the wayside past that point.  The INDIVIDUAL experiences what communion really is, with all that exists.....emanations of MYSTERY, and this desire....becomes a parody when ONENESS becomes manifest as the socialist/communist paradigm.  The inversion and parody of ONENESS, everyone is the same.  There is no ONE, but the INDIVIDUAL.  ALL THAT IS SOCIALISM/COMMUNISM is at root, a desire for COMMUNION.  But science and religion both tell us that this world is meaningless.  

The Gnostic attitude.  But I say, the BODY IS NOT A PRISON or PRISN, it is the PRISM of LIGHT. 

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